Dark Dreams..

i dreamed a dream filled with blue and white gingham dressed and white cotton aprons.. with ribbons and trim and bubble gum blowing and smiling eyes gleaming back in the reflection of the shiney buckled shoes..

And in my dream filled with the smell of bubble gum and pinwheels.. fluffy white cotton ball clouds float through the sky in their own private dance as if they were in time prancing loose freed only a moment ago from a vagabond merry go round.. chirping little birds flutter about hoping to catch the warm lofty breeze under their downey soft wings..

So there in my dream.. is this amazingly surreal setting.. how amazing.. how divine.. little puppy dogs so perfectly manicured playing ball tenderly with little baby kittens..

And i turn the page in my dream.. i see myself turning the page and i realize.. this pastoral scene i have become so enamoured with is nothing more than a 1950's child's reader and picture book.. in color no less.. its so bright and pretty..

and i glance to the left.. and i glance to the right slowly up.. and i see.. i clearly see..

no gingham.. no white cotton aprons.. the brightness and color has been replaced by dismal darkness.. where warmness had once been so easily exuded.. now, existed a cold emptiness..
and then.. at that precise moment i could feel it..the beat.. a resounding, crushing, deafening single heartbeat.. as if someone took a sledgehammer and beat me in the chest..

and then.. again.. another blow.. the cacophony in your chest is growing louder.. another blow.. theyre coming faster..they are actually jarring you from your seated position.. causing you to look up..

and thats when you see there is no door.. and no window.. and so there, you stay with images of blue and white checks.. puppy dogs and kittens.. and gray bleak walls.. swirling through your head..

until it stops..