Stay or Go..

I was responding to a thread on Fet last night and the essence saturation occurred to me. You know, that's a rule of science that we use everyday and hardly think of it..

It's not the saturation that is exactly the point that lingers with me still. It's the moment.

That precise, exacting moment when it changes. It's not really an epiphany per se (though I suppose the lightbulb-going-on effect could happen simultaneously).

It's that moment where the leaf falls from the tree in the fall... when the butterfly emerges.. the heart stops.. or starts for that matter.. its the moment when he leans in to kiss you and choose to accept his mouth.. or to turn your head away.

When I was married, my ex was in the combat arms part of the army. Airborne artillery at that.. Well they do this family day where the wives get to kinda-sorta do the things their husbands do including jumping from the 34 foot tower. I'm not afraid of heights but.. I'm not the girl that says, hey lets jump out of stuff way up high.. either. That just simply is not me. I'm the girl that says.. hey, don't run with that sponge or you'll poke your eye out.

So there I find myself.. hot.. sweaty.. his helmet on.. some monstrosity strapped between my legs and its finally (and that's a story in and of itself) my turn to jump.

To stay or to go.

Stay.

Go.

That's the moment when your feet are at the edge.. toes just barely hanging over..looking down at what lay beneath. That's the moment of decision.

Stay or Go.