Two Weeks and Counting..

If I had to use one word to describe my eldest boy, it would have to be.. ornery.

He was a preemie that really gave me my first maternal scare. See? Ornery from the start. He came into this world struggling to live. He spent the first few years so sick. His lungs really were not ready. He had pneumonia 15 times before he was two. He was born in the middle of the night and then immediately taken to a different hospital that was better equipped to care for him. I remember them waking me and the nurse trying to tell me (through the fog of pain killers) what was happening. It was surreal. All I could think of was that he could actually die.

It's funny.. Nineteen years later and I'm having those same thoughts. I'm feeling my son's mortality where he doesn't seem to feel it himself. In two weeks or so, he leaves for Afghanistan. Someone dear to me has tried to show me how slim the chances of him getting hurt actually are. I still see him there on that respirator though. I don't ever want to see that again.

I know I can tend to be more or less the super-duper over protective mother. I'm the mom that says, wear a coat in summer cuz you might catch a cold..lol Part of me, as the mom, says I should be proud and part of me actually is.. The louder part though.. the part screaming in my ears says.. Steal him away and hide him. Don't let him go.

Ohmegarsh its screaming louder and louder now. It's going to be a very long two weeks.