I wrote once of love.. of a deep devotion bore out through loyalty, submission, and trust. I wrote of a thing that is so fragile and simultaneously simple and strong. It was perfect. It was beautiful. It was mine.
And it was a lie.
It was a delusion of mine. A self created fantasy developed to make me believe something was more than it was.
How can there be trust when there is no respect? How can there be loyalty when there is no trust? How can there be submission when there is no leadership?
It can not.
What does it take to burst the bubble? To make someone realize that they are deluded? To make a girl know.
I know now.
I know now I was wrong. Wrong to believe and wrong to hope. Wrong to ever for a moment think that it was something more than a matter of convenience.
Convenience is only convenient when something is wanted and unavailable otherwise.
This is unavailable, yes. But just as much, it is unwanted.
Unwanted lies.
Unwanted delusion.
Unwanted.
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A Humble Declaration of a Handmaiden's Devotion to her God
And so i found myself in awe of Him.. It was then i knew my place at His feet.. i have knelt before His watchful eye wishing nothing more than to be His handmaiden, His concubine, His wanton hole.. His slave.. He encompasses my world, cradling my trust in His hands along the way.. Through this, and herein after, i declare with the greatest of humility and desire that i offer myself to my Master.. my God.. my Giver of pleasure and pain.. my Keeper.. i know He, and He alone, has the power and the strength to Own me.. and in that.. i will yield to Him.
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