How Did I Know..

A friend asked me how I knew it was time to move on when I was married. How did I know it was over?

I knew it was when ambivalence crept into our lives. It wasn't being angry or hurt. We weren't arguers or vicious to each other. We were more passively aggressive than that. I knew it was time though when I didn't care anymore what he was doing.

Sigh..

Ambivalence is like a disease eating away the healthy roots of a giant oak. It creeps in and feeds of laziness. It's been a long time since I divorced. More years than I care to count in all actuality.

I know people who are still emotionally invested in their former partner in one way or another. The partner does something and they go beyond anger to rage.. or.. the former partner has a set back and they find pleasure in it. It's sometimes to see that these kinds of reactions are investments in the actions of the partner.

I've also been on the receiving end of ambivalence. I'd recognize it in a heartbeat. I don't know if there is a comparable pain than being made aware as to just how completely inconsequential you are to someone. That you really mean nothing, that you do not carry enough value to warrant a thought, a phone call, a note.

Ambivalence.

Ambivalence is so destructive and yet seemingly incurable when set in. How do you correct ambivalence? I don't think you can really. I think the exhibition of ambivalence is a statement set in stone. I guess you could get another stone but really... I mean, really?

How do you know? You know, when ambivalence is coming to dinner.