The Cusp

I'm a June baby. Interesting spidey factoid number whatever - my mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, nephew and I are all born on the same June day. I knew we were weird but that has to be some kind of metaphysical proof, right? Righhttt..

As a kid, there was a lot of weird stuff going on around me. One of the more tame things was my mother and step-father's interest in astrology. People are interested in it and a passing interest isn't so weird. But, I don't know that my parent's interests were so passing. They judged relationships and people based upon some kind of astrological perception of a personality time. They tried to predict behaviors in people or to justify actual actions based upon the individual's sign.

As June babies, our sign was Gemini on the old astrological whatever. Now there's a new one and now I'm supposed to be a Taurus (stubborn like a bull, right? Righhttt..)

The thing I find really interesting is the cusp. How one day you're one thing.. and then the next.. well you're something else entirely. If I had been born at 2358 on June 21st, I'd be a Gemini or a Taurus or whatever new calendar they come up with one day because of some other global bobble. But, if I'm born later - say 0030 on June 22nd, if for no other reason than the passage of time, I become something else.

Now, opinions and the reality of astrological implications vary and are wholly subjective. But, its an interesting thought, no? That, you pass the cusp for no other reason than the passage of time.

That time transitions you from one to the other. That you become not necessarily because of a passive or active effort. Rather, you can become purely because the current status quo has aged.

I can see it in my life - this transition. Part of me questions if the transition is always for the better. That perhaps if I had actually acted to change the status quo, it would have had a better result. Would my action in changing the current status quo exponentially influenced the potential aged status quo?

Blah blah blah. That's a lot of theory with little substance. It's interesting to debate and hypothesize but.. at the end of the discussion, you'd be no where near an actual solid answer.

The reality - and reality is really the important stuff, right? Righhttt.. The reality is that looking back, I can see myself one thing one day and something else the next. One day a vanilla woman / mother / divorcee headstrong and full of will and the next - property.

Did I cross the cusp in the closet? Or was the cusp for me long before that? Honestly? I think it was the long before the closet. The closet just really stopped the world around me long enough for me to realize where I was. My cusp was the minute - the precise second.. that I allowed myself to try to understand the logic of a power exchange relationship.

That moment.

In that moment, I did not see a power exchange as some perversion but as a functioning relationship at least worthy of understanding. To understand, I would have to dig into it and at least get a grasp on the components. Did I think I would get dirty in the process? lol not hardly. But I did, didn't I? Several times over.

It was that moment - the moment I breathed it in rather than holding my breath.

That moment.

Which brings me back to my life BK. Was the path laid out before as a child and the destination set to be arrived at by a certain time? Could I have been anything else but this with the emotional modeling experienced in my early years?

This sounds terribly fatalistic. And yet, it seems right.