slave or submissive?

A question was posed via broadcast email through one of the local groups I belong to recently. It was a query regarding the difference between a submissive and a slave. I was in awe of the variety of answers that came across my email which seemed to indicate a belief that they were similar and about obedience. The general assumption regarding their difference however, seems to have been that submissives are retaining control and part time while slaves have a spiritual relationship.

Well.. frankly speaking.. thats just crap. The similarities between a submissive and a slave end at a mutual proclivity to submit. From there, the differences are vast.

A submissive submits to a Dominant partner as they have mutually agreed upon. The submissive has delineated the areas in which she will or will not submit, the timing of her submission and to whom she will submit. Ergo, in all reality, the submissive has maintained full control of herself even through her submission. Further, the very act of submission is defined by the submissive herself including focus on play and limitations. Thus, in a Dominant / submissive relationship, the Dominant partner is truly an instrument to the submissive.

In contrast, a slave is owned property of her Master. As property or chattel, the slave subjugates herself to her Master's will at all times, in all ways and is obedient to His command without hesitation. A slave in this type of relationship is afforded only so many choices and decisions as her Master gives her and those may be removed at His discretion. A slave's submission is a need fulfilled by service to her Master. There are no limits to that service. Unlike a Dominant partner, a Master is to His slave the entirety of her world, the definition of it.. all things flow through Him. Beyond this, a slave has no opportunity to leave her Master without his approval while a submissive may go at her own accord.

I dont believe the differences between the Dominant / submissive and Master / slave relationships are merely able to summed up between which one is of a spiritual nature and which one is more control oriented. Rather, in a Dominant /submissive relationship the submissive defines the relationship while in a Master / slave relationship that is the responsibility of the Master.

I believe that both relationships can be based on love and can have a strong connection. That being said, there is a special vulnerability a slave bears to her Master as his property. She has placed all her proverbial eggs in one basket so to speak by placing blind trust and faith in Him. With that though, she fulfills her own need to serve beyond measure. This is not about submitting in between the sheets. Slaves serve day in and day out regardless of their desire to complete the assigned chore because it is through their immediate obedience that they fulfill their Master's need.

Can a Master be a Dominant to a submissive? yes.. Can a Dominant be a Master to a slave? not necessarily.. Its the old square is a rectangle but a rectangle isnt necessarily a square rule..
To extend that further though.. Can a submissive be a slave to a Master? no.. Can a slave be a submissive to a Dominant? no again.. Why the difference here? Because of need.. a submissive needs to maintain control to a certain degree and a Master needs to own all of it.. While a slave needs to be owned and to have no control.. her world would be in disorder with a Dominant.

Are submissives fun? Absolutely. Are slaves entertaining? You bet you're bottom dollar. Can you just walk up to either one of them and grab them off the shelf and have instant success? No way Jose. At their core, they are inately different as defined by their needs.. their need for or to release control.. their need to obey.. and the intensity of their feeling to subjugate themselves.. Neither is better or worse.. Nor is this a spiritual matter..

Its all about need.. hunger.. desire.. Before you define yourself, you should define yours.

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire..

How does that old addage go?

Liar, Liar.. Pants on fire.. Hang your butt on a telephone wire? and so on and so forth.. I think we all sang that rhyme as children.. taunting each other with a holier than thou sense of superiority when it came to our own honesty.. and yet, in all reality.. underneath it all.. dont we all lie? Every single one of us?

Of course we do.. and the one that says he doesnt is the biggest liar of them all.

So, if we're all liars.. because a lie is a lie is a lie just as a sin is a sin is a sin.. How do we ever guage honesty? To me, its a matter of how much garbage someone will go through before they tell that lie..

Will she walk through fire before she lies to you about her feelings?!? or..rather would He tell a whopper at the drop of the hat rather than divulge an innocuous outting with another wanton hole?!? hm?!? How much will someone go through.. or moreover.. how much is their personal integrity worth to them?

I had contemplated briefly that it was perhaps an environmental affliction that could cause the lie.. and yet.. if thats the cause, that would also go to implicate their lack of personal integrity as well, wouldnt you say? If their concern for someone else's reactions allowed them to truly sway them from being truthful, I do believe that reflects on them.. That being said, telling someone that you are standing them up for dinner plan because you have a hot date with someone else is a lot harder than lying and saying youre taking your aunt, or mother or other family member somewhere.. but eventually, the truth is always told..

So why do I believe people lie? Fear.. plain and simple.. They are afraid .. afraid of losing something.. afraid of perceptions.. afraid of the other persons reaction or lack of acceptance.. I can see why children lie so much though.. they operate on instinct and need.. Fear is an instinctual reaction.. and that is, in my humble opinion, why it is so hard to train them to not lie to us as they develop..

But then, why do we as adults, and then moreover, within the realm of Master / slave relationships, choose to lie to each other.. To a certain degree, fear of rejection, perceptions, and judgment, at least in theory, should be removed..

Within a Master, a slave should find her shelter from the world.. a place to be vulnerable.. He is responsible for her training.. thus, abject honesty on her part is elemental.. and then in turn, a her Master receives her full, unhindered submission.. its trusting, and blind.. that is built on credibility..

I find it ironic that most of us would not leave a $20 bill laying on a sidewalk.. nor would we toss it out the window as we drove down the highway.. So, I ask you this..

If you wont treat what equates to lunch at Mcdonalds cavalierly, why would you treat your relationships that way by polluting them with lies no matter how you try to justify them?
After all.. the last line of that old rhyme says..

Made a mistake.. and now, its too late.

Words..

Soooo.. what makes blue, blue? What defined it per se?!? Some quorum of collegiates in a far off locale that decided to make a word up and to thrust it upon us all????

Actually, oddly enough, that is how it happens, to a certain degree.. That being said, who decides and then defines other, less common, typical words in our language?!? Words such as those we frequent in the lifestyle.. i have noticed a trend lately to 'non-define' words.. or.. for a lack of a better term to make words all encompassing.. im not sure if thats because we're insecure about ourselves and being labelled... or, rather, if we just simply do not know ourselves well enough to adequately declare what and who we are...

In either case, its sad..

Take for instance the difference between Masters and Dominants or slaves and submissives... There are distinct differences between each classification and thus, each grouping interacts especially different in relation to the other groupings as well.. Accordingly, it can be really important to be self aware..

If you are a bottom natured woman, thats just groovy.. But, if youre a bottom natured woman that likes to yield except for a few areas, you can say without hesitation that you are not a slave and you that you are most likely a submissive.. Why does this matter truly? Wellllllll.... If you find and meet someone that believes youre a slave which has no limitations or boundaries, it could become very problematic for your relationship..

Just as i have told my youngest child when he's been mischevious, "Son, you are hard pressed to do new.. " We are also hard pressed to do new or to be the 'only ones' to do something or to want something in this lifestyle.. Ergo, morphing ourselves into something we arent or a conglomeration of things in order to meet people really only serves to meet the WRONG people..

Some of us may have to wait years.. several years, in fact, to meet the right person to complete them.. But, it is possible.. When you are true to yourself.. you will find that the person on the other end is like minded and also sincere..

There is nothing more disheartening to a slave or a submissive for that matter, than to invest yourself into a Master or Dominant only to find them ambivalent or dispassionate..

While they may seem to be only words.. they are the words that quantify and define our actions.. the actions within our lives and thus, they bear great weight.. to treat them with a cavalier stroke of the pen would be tantamount to treating our personal lives in the same manner..

Me? Personally? i prefer to kneel as a slave before my Master.. to be the reason for His smile.. i am confident in my role and His.. and most importantly.. Ours..

Control is a Matter of Perception..

A thing was said to me today which made me contemplate the ability of another to control someone up to the point where the other party changes things. I think its really important to remember ~

Control is a Matter of Perception... Ergo, Control over the circumstances affected by another's behavior is truly pure perception. Do not fool yourself otherwise. Once the other party decides to no longer play ball per se, its Game Over!

Make no mistake, this is NOT about Dominance and submission. A slave's submission is brought through a level of given service, even better a sacrificial service, through devotion to her Master, with the full knowledge and awareness of what she is giving and what she is (and this is important) receiving from Him in return... While her Master covets her submission, structures in Dominance and guides it through caring and order and nurture. He is fully aware that the level of her service is truly a gift to him and treats it as such with Honor and Respect by meeting her needs, both those she is aware of and those she may not so clearly see. They are aware of the give and take within the relationship, defined it prior to engaging it, and embraced it as such.. Because of all this, there is Beauty in the service between a Master and slave... Beauty in the order and care they take for each other.. There is no Arrogance and Misconceptions as to how Control came to be exchanged in this arrangement.

So where does that leave you? If you choose to do otherwise.. If you choose to believe that the person you've convinced yourself you can 'manage' on your own will be ok, then you will continue to put yourself in positions where you are vulnerable and perhaps not in control of yourself. Arrogance is powerful emotion and it leads us to many, many error frought decisions (believe me, I've made some lovely ones!).

The thing I have always told my children was that there were always consequences.. good and bad for every action, or, inaction.. Sometimes its hard to reconcile ourself to that because we'd like to believe we didnt have a choice but really there is always a choice.

Choices. Its been six months and then some now for mine. Sleep still is elusive. I have to go through a little more for it but its ok now. Arrogance sometimes asks a pretty penny. But thats the price sometimes when you think you can control a situation or believe you have someone under control.

It flips on a dime.. and it changes.. and where you were is not where you are now.. the rabbit hole surely fell open, swallowed you up and spit you out in a totally different dimensional plane.. It happens that fast.. All the players of the game are still sitting there looking at you but what you didnt know was that when stopped to take that breath a moment ago and when you needed to blink your eyes...

All the rules changed.. Control is Truly a Matter of Perception.

Dominating Thoughts...

Over the past few months ive written a lot about my point of view and in turn how ive been trained to understand submission and a slave's role... It's had a variety of reactions including queries as to my point of view on Dominance.. Apparently, enquiring minds want to know..
Sooooo.... As im always full of an opinion .. or two.. or three..lol.. here goes!

Dominance 101 ~ whats the point of it???? what purpose does the Dominant serve to the sub /slave??? Well, as i KNOW ya'll have read all the other blogs you undoubtedly remember the first lesson for a slave.. yes?? come on.. you can raise your hands... lol Remember? Lesson No. 1 for a slave is to .. Serve to be served.. by serving Him, it serves her needs??? Ring a bell?? Is there a ringy dingy going off anywhere???

Ok.. Ergo, through this same concept.. the slave serves.. and to that purpose the Dominant by nature fosters an environment that encourage the behaviors he enjoys in his slave.. its a symbiotic relationship.. Structure and order... Trust and Commitment.. those develop between the two through service to each other..

If only one is serving, there will be, eventually, a failure in Trust, in Commitment and then in turn a breach in Order and in Structure and that results in a failure in a relationship...

Realistically, beyond a BDSM relationship, in any relationship, where the parties fail to serve each other regularly, with full consideration and commitment to what they should be bringing to the table.. what the other needs... then there will be always be, without fail, a relationship in jeopardy...

i mean, come on people, isnt the point of loving someone and being with someone to take care of them? i mean, to really take care of them? inside and out? can you be honest with yourself and say you have? i am just as flawed as a lot of people.. and i work at it everyday.. its just something to be cognizant of..

So, while people tend to perceive a Master as a pvc chap wearing kink-master-flash, his is also a point of service to his sub/ slave... Because, through his guidance, the order he provides, the structure, and even the boundaries.. it gives her what she needs.. those are the things she is looking for in her life.. In so many ways, they are the ying and the yang..

Why the kink? Why whip your tail? Why bend you over the desk and paddle you with that ginormous leather paddle????

Because... Y/you two can.. Because Y/you two like it.. and Most importantly..

Because... Y/you two want it..

Goal No. 1 ~ His Happiness..

Do you think a submissive tendancy is something youre born with or is it environmentally engrained into our thinking and behavior patterns?!? I tend to think that perhaps its a little of both and depending on the person, maybe a little more of one or the other.. Ive been asked often 'when did I know?' and 'when did I become?'... Ive known my answers, but do you know yours? Ive always been bottom but, had quite a bit of further 'assistance' along my developmental way.

Do you know yourself and what you really expect to achieve in this lifestyle? E/everyone should have goals in all aspects of life and this is no exception.

Are you humble in your submission? or.. is it something that you express secreted away in a bedroom? Is He really first? Are His needs, wants and desires really ALWAYS first?

If not, why? Do you just feel like yielding when it gets a little kinky or rough between the sheets? Dont get me wrong.. I think we all like it like that too..But, we dont all also continue to serve Him when in fact, its uncomfortable for us.

Isnt that the true test of service, to sacrifice of yourself at times? Its always easy to give when it doesnt require one... To give of yourself to the point of sacrifice willfully and happily for the benefit of another.. thats a beautiful, beautiful thing.

So, do you know yourself? More importantly, do you know what you wish to achieve?

And then, do you know what youre willing to sacrifice to make Him happy? or are you..

The "C" Word...

i have read so many blog entries, journals, editorialized commentaries written by various people.. they write of this life in detail... they seem so knowledgable and willing to teach and critique the others around them for 'style' and 'technique'... the one thing i never see them theorize is the commitment level required.. they talk about trust and obedience from a slave, etc.. but what about commitment from the Master and in return His slave?

It just seems like its taken for granted.. that particular relationship, moreso than a D/s as a submissive has her own defined boundaries, should require some of the highest levels of commitment achievable.. and yet, so often, these relationships are as transient, as inconsistent and insincere as any other relationship.. why?

Because, my dear friends, the human animal is a lazy creature by its very nature..

The effort given to this relationship is no different than any other and yet, by its very nature, a slave loses herself to her Master.. so why, why would she not invest the time and energy to find the right Master that she could fully commit to and that would fully commit to her? Afterall, once she is His, her world is enveloped into His.. they should flow in unison.. but..

Then something faulters.. the commitment from one or the other faulters.. someone stops either physically or mentally showing up.. and alas, the commitment is breached.. So, why arent we talking more about the time investment before we start strapping each other in or breaking out the toys.. we sure seem quite capable about talking about how a Master or a slave should behave after that.. the proper way to do this or that..

We sure are full of ourselves.. full of judgementalism.. full of a lot of things for that matter..

Let Freedom Ring!

free·dom (frē'dəm) 2. Liberty of the person from slavery, detention, or oppression.

Today we're celebrating the 4th of July and our independence and our shared freedom. Its a wonderful holiday full of so much symbolism and truth. We gather to remember the birth of our country and the forging of our indepence. That monumental occasion brought forth the very freedoms we often take for granted today.

Freedom is a funny word to me as I often feel the most unencumbered tethered to another. Yet, there is the freedom to pursue that opportunity. My world is the clearest and most in focus when serving. That I can crawl or kneel or serve without persecution or more importantly prosecution speaks to nature of and the value in the original founding father's ideas. I dont think that they had any idea I would have a pair of 6 Inch knee high lace up boots that look really cute with fishnets and latex back when they had their Constitutional Convention... but, then again, they did have their own little version of perversion back then, didnt they?!? If they wanted to govern obscenity and perversion on the Federal level, they would have.

So, thank you boys.. this little girl thanks you highly in her boots.. and thanks you kindly on her knees.. mmm.. Daddy, Let Freedom Ring!